It took me some time to reach out to the community at Transversemyelitis.org. Though I'd come across their forums early into my diagnosis, one quick scan of the boards sent me scuttling away with my tail between my legs. Wheelchairs, -ostomy bags, loss of income. I.. I mean, these people had life-altering lesions. I am numb and tingly. Numb and tingly, people. It seemed unfair to enter their midst. They'd hate me.
Yes, I do have a bad habit of underestimating people, why do you ask? Honestly, what is even wrong with me that I thought of it as some sort of competition? Though I don't doubt some might be wondering exactly what I have to complain about, I know in my heart that we can all - each of us - relate to the fear that comes with a TM diagnosis. It's just plain scary, and sometimes the only way to conquer a fear is to sit around the campfire telling ghost stories, I guess. It might not make sense, but I suppose it's human nature.
Another facet of human nature I am not proud of is using my fellow sufferers. Well, that's kind of heavy too. Need a puppy moment? OK, now that you're back, let me explain. I cannot help but think "That could've been me," followed quickly by "count your blessings, girl. They're rich and deep." I can only hope that someday I find a way to repay the generosity the members of the forum have shown, simply by being there.
I've long since moved past the days of expecting the world to be fair, for wishes to be horses, or for prayers to be answered. But for whatever it's worth, since finding that forum, I've added quite a few new names to those I keep in my thoughts and yes, prayers.
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