2011 is for learning! Today was fascinating. I laid down, the MRI techs put sponges next to my ears to help block the sound and keep my head from moving, swaddled me with a toasty blanket, kept a hand on my knee as I glided into the snug embrace of the MRI machine... and then I understood the urge to gnaw off one's own limbs to escape a trap.
Later this week I get to learn whether Ativan will reduce that urge. If Chuck can get me in the car.
Love,
Me
Dear Diary,
Ativan is the bomb. MRI's are boring. Chili's is good. MRI's are also really very loud. So is Chili's..hahaha... I should've used the sponges. I think I need to go to sleep now.
Love, me. Love. Me. Love me.
Dear Diary,
Next up; an MRI of my brain, and a Spinal Tap. Let's turn it up to 11, folks and rule out MS. I'm not sure there's enough Ativan for this.
me
p.s. talk to Dr.Brian about a daily Ativan 'scrip.
In all honesty, the Ativan was a godsend. Nothing dopey or droopy or drowsy despite my joking above. Just a complete and utter lack of stress during the MRI. Let me suggest right now that if you ever need an MRI and aren't sure - request a prescription beforehand. The difference was nothing short of miraculous. I was awake and alert the whole time, but bored to tears. Which was definitely better than fighting them back and feeling like I'd somehow let everyone down by not being able to go through with the MRI unmedicated. What surprised me the most about the MRI's was that I knew I was fine, I wasn't going to be hurt (aside from the now-accustomed pinprick from being given a contrast solution during the procedure) and could exit at any point. Rationally it should've been a breeze but my brain could not convince my body.
I'd also recommend that you go ahead and use the sponges to help buffer the noise. Until you're in there you'd never believe how loud the machine can be! I joked later that I felt like I'd spent two hours directly under a thumping techno club on the most fire-prone street on the block with all the clanging and banging and rhythmic WHMP!WHMP!WHMP! noises.
I have no idea why I didn't request an Ativan for the spinal tap, or as it's clinically known, the lumbar puncture. That was scary. Not the mindless panic of an untested phobia, but a simple fear of pain. The reality was that I never had any pain or discomfort during the procedure. Finding a way to lay flat on my back during the hour-long drive home (and eat a chicken sandwich in the prone position as well!) wasn't fun, but was certainly worth it in that I avoided the dreaded "spinal headache" that can come from a leakage of spinal fluid. No one warned me, however, that I'd be stiff and sore for several days after.
The very good news was that my MRI's and examination of the spinal fluid showed no markers for MS. The bad news? I had my diagnosis: Acute Idiopathic Transverse Myelitis, with a roughly marble sized lesion at the C-1 section of my spinal cord. It's a tiny beastie that fills my thoughts, lying roughly behind my jawline.
It could've been anything that caused the lesion, and Dr. Baker was content to leave it at that. "I'll see you in a year, and in the meantime, just go about your life as normal and put it out of your mind."
That was five months ago. It was as if she knew nothing at all.
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